One of the delights of employment in an International Corporation is the chance to meet and work with, and sometimes for, those unfortunate enough to be born and bred outwith Scotland.
Before you pick up the telephone to the Race Relations Board however… stick with me. It often takes an observation from an incomer to make you stop and think, and with the passage of time you realise they were spot-on.
What seems many years ago now, I had a gentleman from Sweden as my boss; to be entirely factual he was technically my boss’s boss but don’t let the facts get in the way of a good tale.
This guy was larger than life… he was certainly larger than me! A fashion icon he was not. He did for Swedish tailoring what Long John Silver did for tap dancing. The waistband of this guy’s trousers was approximately one and a half inches (or call it 4cms) from his nipples. Some of us used to more of a ‘low riding’ style of trouser wondered if this was a new European style we should be adopting.
I digress. The reason I was suddenly nostalgic for a figure from my past was something he said on one of his early visits to what, I suppose, was his Scottish outpost. That was an observation that Scotland was “a dirty place”. Surely not….the land of the mountain and the loch. Look at the advertisements for our national drink; Glenmorangie’s Glen of Tranquillity…no hint of dirt there, or Dalwhinnie – Scotland’s highest distillery “harnesses snowfed, moorland water to produce the Gentle Spirit of the glen… hardly sounds like Chernobyl to me.
So where was he coming from then? Simply, Glasgow or Edinburgh airport! His first impressions were that this was a dirty land - borne out by the assorted litter on, or around, our main roads. I wonder what he would make of things now?
Drive into distilling country and you’ll find the “airport disease” has spread. The whisky companies who open their doors to tourists take a huge pride in displaying their assets… so to speak. Show me a distillery with a visitor centre and I’ll show you good housekeeping… but there seems little point if the lay-bys are overflowing with litter and the verges covered with discarded bottles and cans. And yet are we getting anything in the way of support from the local authorities… or our newly devolved Parliament… or the grandly named Scottish Environmental Protection Agency?
Let me tell you about crude measures; whilst the brand marketeers or the sales people looked for indicators as to their successes or otherwise, we simple “luddites” north of the border looked to our stockpiles of empty casks in our yard stores. If the pyramids were rising we were emptying more than we were filling and business kind of looked OK. Crude – yes; meaningful – yes. Another example: I have paid £150 to the vet this month… his charge for removing glass splinters from the dog’s paw pads! Crude measure: sales of Bacardi Breezers and Smirnoff Ice are going well. The youth market not only enjoy drinking the stuff… they also enjoy smashing the bottles after having consumed the product. And if it’s white spirit today we know full well that the drinks companies would like nothing more than to work the same stunt for Scotch.
Great… more production required… jobs protected in rural areas… more visitors to distilleries. And if the “yoof” market carry on as they’ve done hitherto… and start to procreate… we’ll be knee deep in broken glass and other assorted litter. Are we not fortunate that our major drinks company also owns a chain of burger bars? More opportunity for mess!
So where are we going with this diatribe? This country’s most important industry is very often sold on a proposition of naturalness and purity…no additives, no genetically modified cereals, pure water - .and we’ve had plenty of that since the last SWR – a clean environment. If Chernobyl had had a product such as Scotch Whisky, with the consumer perceptions I’ve outlined above, could we expect to retain our market share of the International drinks business? I doubt it.
Remember our Swedish friend… and our crude measures? Doesn’t this arguably over-Governed country of ours need some kind of vision? If we set out to be the cleanest country in northern Europe what would that do to our principal export? Scotland’s Tourist Industry is selling the same proposition as the whisky companies. The two are inexorably linked… in some areas the only thing worth visiting when it rains is the distillery!
So come on boys…let’s put the pressure on the Administrators… local and central. Let’s share our vision – and that of my erstwhile Swedish friend - for a clean environment with those agencies charged to supposedly deliver it. The Scotch industry has a long record of environmental responsibility… and yet very often has to defend itself against legislation drawn up in Brussels to clean up the Rhine or the Danube.
Maybe the time has come to lead a body of like minded individuals in something of a crusade. Surely our tourist board cannot think we have a sellable proposition if my Swedish colleague’s views still hold water. Those charged with protecting the environment cannot be impressed with the ever worsening mess we live in: Joe Public would I am sure welcome the return of litter free streets; my dog would be over the moon, whilst the vet could visit the distilleries given the amount of free time he would have.
Oh… I nearly forgot… I could maybe get my Swedish pal back here on holiday and buy him a dinner on the strength of the reduction in vet’s bills! Or a pair of low riders.
