Loch Fyne Whiskies - Scotch Whisky Review

Two years have passed since I gave up lucrative, full time work and threw in my lot with Inveraray’s leading purveyor of quality Scotch. Generally speaking, this has been a harmonious relationship. Despite promises of long lunches and huge monetary rewards—neither of which ever quite materialise—I never have to have an annual review, set objectives for the year or discuss my personal development plan. In fact, apart from the odd e-mail, we can go for months without communicating. Pretty much like the last boss I had in Diageo!

To be fair to the Editor, he did send a fine case of wine last Christmas, even the odd bottle of locally produced beer has been delivered. In fact he outdid himself a month or two back just at the time Edrington had offloaded Bunnahabhain. In the post came the naffest bottle pourer ever produced anywhere, anytime in the Scotch Whisky Industry. A collector’s item, he assured me. I was to keep it quiet, however, just in case the new owners wanted to claim it.

So there I was sitting quietly, post-zizz, contemplating whether or not to take the dog for a walk, read the papers, or even wash a car, when through comes the dreaded e-mail headed “Nudge, nudge”, giving me his deadline and urging me to be provocative or thought provoking or even entertaining. It’s at times like these, when the pressure is on, that one wonders whether or not I should retire again. Given the perks though this would be a tough call and so, I guess, I’ll just have to buckle down and earn the (very) odd bottle pourer.

I’m pretty sure the Editor has no real idea of the power and influence this publication has. It is obviously read avidly by the opinion formers in Government and the Industry. Two years ago I commented on the management buy-out at Whyte & Mackay—or was it Kyndal by that time? The theme was Scottish ownership and the question was posed as to how long this would last. Slightly more than a year was the answer. The management team, practically to a man, have all left. The workers shares have all been bought back, a bottling plant will close and we’ll rename the company Whyte & Mackay. Morale is reported as being at rock-bottom. Jobs will disappear but there will be new investment at the remaining bottling plant where it is unlikely that white spirit will be bottled since there is no reason for that to be done in Scotland. Superb.

Regular readers will remember also that between writing the article and going to press, the Scottish owned Inver House “disappeared” also—new owners from the Orient taking over from the Airdrie based management. Chivas had, by that time, moved from Canadian ownership, or was it American, to French. In the intervening couple of years we’ve had new ownership of a former Allied distillery, two Edrington distilleries, the planned re-opening of a former Whyte & Mackay distillery, and the mothballing of God knows how many former Chivas distilleries.

These will be the Chivas distilleries which Richard Burrows categorically stated would be remaining open at the height of the Pernod take-over! They are presumably the same distilleries that have been the subject of recent enquiries as to whether they are up for sale. We are assured, however, that they are currently “mothballed” as it does not cost a lot to mothball a distillery. Rubbish. I know from bitter personal experience just how much it takes to get hitherto mothballed units back into production.

So we have mothballed distilleries in traditional distilling territories. And what did we touch on in the last SWR? New distilleries seeking investors money in that traditional heartland of malt whisky distilling... the Shetland Islands! Or Ladybank, Fife. We really need to run a reality check. Not only is private investors money being sought, but public money also—yours and mine —by way of grants from Enterprise boards and the like. Do we need more malt distilleries in new areas when we can’t keep those already built sustaining employment in traditional distilling areas? Let’s get real.

Those of you who check into the web-site had an added bonus several editions back. Another rant from The Advocate—this time on litter. It is heartening to note that our beloved Scottish Executive has wakened up to the fact that the country is a midden. Would they have noticed this themselves without prompting from the SWR?

If we are therefore leading the opinion formers, it probably behoves us to put down our wish list for the Industry—safe in the knowledge that someone will make it happen. So, in no particular order, what is it that we need or want?

I’d like those who make public pronouncements about the Industry to think before they speak. I’d like our politicians to get to grips with this industry and recognise that, as a major export earner, we get damn-all help from Government. Just look at the nonsense of duty rates, look at the grants given out to companies allegedly setting up in Scotland—only for them to disappear as quickly when a better deal is up for grabs elsewhere. Why not help the indigenous drinks producer and export earner? I’d like those individuals who are keen to develop new distilleries and the like with other people’s money to put some of their own in the pot. And I’d like all those single-malt snobs to stop sniping at blended whisky—after all, without the blenders having carried the Industry for a century or more, the “new” malt drinkers would not have the opportunities they now have. And I’d really like those parasites and prostitutes that were the subject of a previous rant to think before waxing lyrical about traditional ways of distilling, that perhaps the traditions to which they refer have come about by a complete lack of investment in new equipment. Clapped out is not necessarily good.

And finally, to the Brussels-based bureaucrats and the new environmentalists... get a life. We are not polluters, we do not waste energy or need any more regulations.

There we are then. If they all read this—and act accordingly—we should be able to move forward successfully. And I can look forward, with some certainty, to future remuneration from the Editor. And not bottle pourers either!